transjjester:

BOUNTY HUNTING is not therapy

(via tiddytrashcan)

wizardpotions:

earl grey really put his whole pussy into his tea blend i dont know what the fuck a bergamot is but this shit tastes like men’s deodorant and it fucks!

(via tiddytrashcan)

breakaway1975:

trust me i’m a doctor and what you need is gay sex

(via bunnycultivator)

tiktoksthataregood-ish:

(via bunnycultivator)

and-speak:

and-speak:

me, to the kids i worked with last week: welcome to medieval camp everyone! can anyone think of any fun medieval activities we might do here at camp this week?

kid: well, they used to do this thing where they would take your body and make it into four pieces and i think it was called quartering.

me: that’s called torture! we will not in fact be participating in torture this week! …anyone else?

listen there are too many of you saying i should have let them participate in torture

(via exit-pursued-by-bear)

apathbacktoyou:

pleasebekindrewind:

u know when i was 12 i just kinda assumed the cullens’ cover story worked bc a 23 year old is obviously an Adult and no one would question why or how he adopted like five kids between the ages of 17 and 20 but now that im in my 20s i have come to the conclusion that everyone in forks knows the cullens are vampires bc they all took one look at carlisle “i look like im fresh out of undergrad but im a doctor i swear” cullen and his gaggle of nearly-adult “children” and collectively called bullshit

i just thought everyone was like “oh yikes a cult” and minded their business

cullens: we are a family but also date each other and our parents are barely older than us and we take collective hikes on school days and don’t interact with people except this new kinda loner girl :)

forks:

(via exit-pursued-by-bear)

awhimsicallaugh:

salarta:

anotherdayforchaosfay:

victorian-sexstache:

l0vegl0wsinthedark:

lqtraintracks:

Okay, so do vampires drink from arteries or veins or both? Asking for a friend.

@lqtraintracks This drew me in too easily, what the hell 👏😂

This guy is the Gordon Ramsey of blood.

“THIS BLOOD HAS SO MUCH FUCKING ACID IN IT, I’M SEEING TECHNICOLOR DEMONS!!!”

@vampireapologist

“I’ve never met a vampire” exactly what a vampire would say.

Very suspicious about this “educated guess”

(via readingupatree)

:

i cringe so hard during the confrontation with irina at the wedding but when she looks over at billy, talking about how they killed laurent and billy just sips his champagne… yes

“…and what about it?”

(via bellas-empty-head)

rosaliesbigtiddygothgf:

my love language is twilight marathons

(via bellas-empty-head)

memewhore:

(via bellas-empty-head)

fanghusband-remade:

we need more vampires who are just pathetic. just absolute losers

(via tiddytrashcan)